I Stink!

No, really I do!

Last night, I posted a little story about my fur kid Stuart, and how he thinks he is our ferocious protector. Could I have jinxed myself?

Most likely, and the irony in situations never lost on me.  And we just have to laugh about these things right?

Like when the whole family comes down with the stomach flu, at the same time? Or when your kid has a fat lip on his 3rd birthday and the photos are around forever to prove it? Or when the ski instructor causes you to fall down getting off the chair lift and causing a scene?

You just don’t forget those things, that’s what life is made of, and if we can’t laugh, we are in serious trouble.

So, help me laugh today. Please, because I really stink!

I secured my pup and the cat last night like I do every night, and then proceeded to stay up way past my invisible bedtime; engaged here in this very blogging space.  I finally found my pillow in the weee hours of the morning and it felt like only minutes when I hear the infamous but ferocious barking. Because it was only minutes, about 90 of them.

You do recall that  ‘come’ is unfortunately not a word well understood around here?

The dog was indeed protecting us. Absolutely. Totally.

From the skunk backed up to the fence in the farthest corner of the yard, that just also happens to be right outside our bedroom window. Naturally.

So, picture this, my husband and I are outside at 4am in the pitch darkness with a flashlight, barefoot in pajamas, treats and squeaker and our plaintive cries…come!  come!!  come!!!  And a few expletives that I will omit but I am sure you can easily imagine….I don’t know how we finally succeeded in getting the dog to come to us, but wowza, he was stinkified. And his poor eyes; it was like he had been pepper sprayed.

Bath number one happens oh, about oh-4-dark- thirty; bath number two happens around oh-dark- 6- thirty.  Our vet told us to use a concoction of hydrogen peroxide, Dawn dishsoap, vanilla extract and of course water.  Did we have any of that on hand? Noooo, of course not. Our white fluff of a mutt is certainly a bit fluffier today.  I stood in the garage with the doors  and windows wide open, just sucking in the fresh, clean air, really quite tempted to grab a few zzz’s in the car. The stuff in our house was toxic.  But it gets better. I went to cover up the couches so that if he had any residue left it would go onto items I could either incinerate {not really, but…} or wash. And I step in cat pee…I guess she has a right to be traumatized too. Right? So, I get to work on that mess. It’s now time to face the music that I have to go get ready to get  to work. But I stink!  Really I do.

No meetings all week, but today?  Three.  I am horrified!  I have to sit close to people. Like right next to them. In rooms with closed doors. Poor things. I violated code and am burning a scented candle and imagine my inner squeal and mischievous grin, when people walk in and say, “oh it smells so good’ in here”.

My brain is mush, I am stinky and the back of my eyes feel like sandpaper.  But these are the things life is made up of. We have to laugh. So, laugh with me today, and be glad, be really glad, that you are not sitting right next to me today!

Imagine smelling this instead!

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24 thoughts on “I Stink!

  1. Bonnie…my goodness. You and Stuart had the night from hell!!! I have a great 3 step program for this…no really, I do!

    Step One:
    Actually, step one is for me, but sending it to you so you know just what you’ve done to me!
    (if does not link…just copy and paste on a new tab)

    [audio src="http://www.lifeloveandlaughter.com/audio_files/laughter.wav" /]

    Step Two:
    Is to tell you something so you know I empathize and sympathize with you: year – 1981, dog – skunked poodle

    Mother – furious, Father – Confused, 21 year old daughter (moi) – getting needs to get outta dodge before she throws up – but first….Mother calls Vet, Vet says Douche, water, and vinegar, Mother sends Father to buy said Douce, Father (red-faced and still confused) returns with Douche (premixed liquid, apparently NOT the right kind), Father fills tub with water, vinegar, and Douche, Father retrieves sorriest looking poodle who is a puddle of polecat pee, Mother gags, Daughter banished for laughing (see above track), Father and Mother rush puddled poodle to bathroom, Father places said poodle in bathtub, Mother says to Father – I thought you said you filled the tub with the Vinegar, Water, and Douche, Father looks at Mother, Father looks at tub, Mother looks at Father with “that look”, Father says – But honey I DID fill the tub, Mother says to Father – Did you put the plug in first? Father retrieves puddled pooch from empty tub. Mother is NOT amused. House and Mother Father all stink to high heaven. Banished daughter sent to store to buy replacement Douche. Family still laughs about this today.

    Step Three:
    This is the silver lining step…at the end of this tale you will see just how LUCKY you were!

    http://help-me-rhonda.com/2012/06/09/pierre-and-the-skunk/

    Not laughing with you…really…oh wait. Back up. AM laughing with you NOT at you. phew.
    I hope you sleep well and dream of lavender fields tonight my friend.
    xo
    Rhonda

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    • OMG – Rhonda!!! You are so stinkin’ hilarious! And I mean that in the bestest, truest, most sincerest way possible!!!

      Are you kidding me with that audio…is that you? I am not sure it matters, it got me rolling, [of course the wine I am quickly consuming this evening is making it’s contribution to my current state of sleepless stinky mind] and all I can think of is the village…I feel like you were here, you get it. Damn skunks…and what is their purpose here? Oh that’s for another day, I suppose!

      Your story of you and your parents and the recounting of your 1981 douche experience…about had me spitting out my wine! Thank you for enveloping me in laughter and solidarity, and perspective; yes, it could have been worse.

      And yes, laugh with me! I don’t even really like lavender, but tonight, I would eat the damn stuff if it would help!! Arggggghhhh…my house still stinks!!!! 😀

      xo

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      • You said I was “stinkin’ hilarious! HA! Nice one.
        And yes, I am sooooo sorry you had to go through that. It is the WORST smell in the entire world! UGH! And sadly, history reminds me, it takes a loooong time to de-stink the house. I feel for you truly.

        That wav audio is not me…but I knew I HAD to send you more than a LOL. You needed to hear it. And wine always goes with cheese, so glad you had some.

        I’m glad you felt the laughter ‘hug’ because that’s what I was sending you. The dog we currently have, our 9 year old BLab is the ONLY dog we’ve had that has not been skunked and I told him when he was a puppy that if it ever happened to him, he was outta here. I think he listened. Jeez…I better knock on wood now right?
        Whatever the fragrance you enjoy the most, stock up on it. You’ll need it for a while. And tell the cat to stop laughing (I think that’s why it peed). Love to the poor pup, I do feel bad for him (?) too. Sleep well, it’ll get better eventually…and hey, just so you know..the next time the dog sees a skunk, he won’t run away. They just don’t get it (had one sprayed twice, dummy).
        xo
        R

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        • W(h)ine and cheese..the perfect pairing!

          Theeee worst smell ever…a friend gave me some good advice, fill small bowls with fresh coffee grounds and other bowls with vinegar and place them all around the house…so I did,,,and I think it’s helping!! I had a good sleep and today is a fresh {ha!} new day… woke up without the back of my nose and eyes burning from the toxic fumes 🙂

          When I look at our pup, he looks like he knows he went ‘through something’ – it’s in his eyes!

          I absolutely adored that laughter audio…it was perfect!! But really, it was just the solidarity and feeling understood!

          xo

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          • Those two suggestions are great ones. I hope it continues to help. And yes, I absolutely DO understand and have been thinking of you since you wrote this. It is such a horrible thing to go through. As much as we love our furry family, this is a hard one to go through. Here’s to every day getting sweeter and sweeter yeah?
            xo
            R

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  2. I’m not going to tell you I laughed really hard when I read this.. no really, i’m not 😉 I hope you’re all de-stinkified soon!

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  3. This is so not funny….(muffled laughing) Okay…it IS so funny! Poor puppy….poor you…poor hubby….what does your kitty think about the smell?!?!? Hope you get some rest tonite! 🙂 Still laughing….(I just finished bathing BOTH dogs…I now smell like oatmeal, vinegar and wet dogs….but I think you win with the skunk smell!!! or lose ;( )

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  4. NOW I understand…what a night!! And as soon as you get some sleep I will offer kudos to Stuart for his bravery in the face of total smellification…

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    • Craziness! 🙂 and I love that you see Stuart for his bravery, it took me a bit to get there…naturally! He’d dissolve into puppy puddles with you, I have no doubts. Ok, I will say it again…go rest and take care of yourself. I am going to power on tll 5 and then hit the couch, as long as it doesn’t stink, of course! 🙂

      Like

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