There Is Something About Right Now

When I was in the third grade, I can remember thinking that the girl down the street who was in the 8th grade was beyond cool and I wanted to be just like her. I couldn’t wait.  When I was in the 8th grade, I couldn’t wait to be one of the kids walking through my neighborhood to our high school. When I was nearing high school graduation, I couldn’t wait for the freedom and opportunity I knew would come when I got to college.  When I was taking my 400th college final, I couldn’t wait to get out into the ‘real world’.   When I was out in the real world, I thought being 30 sounded like the golden age and pushed on to hurry up and get there.  When I was in a serious relationship I couldn’t wait for us to get really comfortable with each other.  When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t wait for that baby to arrive.  And then middle age hits, and suddenly the desire to get in line for the fast pass diminishes greatly….

We have a funny way of rushing ahead to what we think is around the next bend, that perhaps it will be better than whatever right now involves; we all do a lot of what I call ‘I can’t wait-ing‘.  I can’t wait ’till it’s 5 o’ clock. I can’t wait ’till school is out. I can’t wait ’till Christmas, I can’t wait ’till this project is over.  I can’t wait ’til…

I will admit that anticipation is probably one of my favorite things. I save gift cards for far too long because I savor what is to come much more than what has already happened. I love to plan trips almost as much as take them because it is as exciting to me to consider the possibilities as it is to actually be there.

right now

Sometimes though, in all our ‘can’t wait-ing’ and setting our sights on the next thing – the what is to come – we miss the golden moment of what has come.  Especially when something seems difficult or ambiguous or painful or even just mundane and boring, it’s nearly impossible to desire to sit in the middle of it any longer than we need to. When maybe the middle of it is full of something we can’t quite see or sense. Yet.

I find myself in a particular kind of moment at the moment (see what I just did there!?) and feeling somewhat curious, wanting to know that something is coming around the bend. Restless in some ways.  Wanting something and yet knowing it is not really the time for it.  In feeling the tension of that push and pull, I have become well aware of the fact that there is something about right now.

Right now. It holds so very much.  It is simply my job to just be in it.

I think back to a cross country move years ago and how we beat the moving trucks.  Days spent in an empty apartment save for the suitcases that had traveled with us.  It was impossible to not will that truck across the miles, to show up with the furniture and the dishes and the towels and all the riff-raff we call ‘our stuff’. Looking back however, there was something about right now in the days of living off of take-out, go-out and sleeping on the floor.  Those few days held their own importance – there was something about them that eventually led into what was to follow, what came next.  But those empty apartment days had an importance all of their own.

This isn’t about what is meant to be.

Or waiting for the right time.

Or trusting the universe.

Those are all important in their own right, but here’s the thing – they each take us out of this moment the very second they become even a passing thought.  It’s the right right here right right now that is at times almost imperceptible or so easily overlooked. Seen as inconsequential, unimportant even, when in fact, there is truly more going on this moment than we can sometimes comprehend.

So, as I think about the right now of right now, I feel this sense.

There is just something about right now…

…How you can smell the first whiff of coffee, even before taking your head off the pillow…

…How you can get the smell of the rain just before a storm begins…

…How you sense the shift in the air as the season is on the cusp of change…

…How the music shifts from the bridge to chorus…

…How the arc in a story is just beginning it’s early ascent…

…How you can sense the promise of what is to come the moment you step out the door for a vacation…

…How you can feel the rustle of the wind in the trees high above on an otherwise quiet summer day…

…How you can feel a pregnant pause in a conversation…

I have heard myself over the last couple of years suddenly exclaim: I love this moment. I love this right now. Where I am suddenly so inside my own skin, feeling the perfect warmth of the sunshine, or the depth of the connection to the friend(s) sitting across from me, the perfect timing in witty banter. A quiet and surprisingly insightful moment with my Kiddo. The sublime taste of a cold beer or cocktail with friends who enjoy it as much as I do, and in one singular instant, it hits me. I love this right now.

Sometimes those moments are not sublime, but instead subtle or even sucky.  But they are moments to be felt and held and honored. So while I continue to – and will always (!) want to know what’s coming down the pike, I am getting better at remembering to remind myself that when it gets jumpy inside this old middle aged skin of mine, that when it feels like nothing is happening or even if I don’t really like what is happening, that….

…there is something about right now.

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19 thoughts on “There Is Something About Right Now

  1. Bonnie, I realize that this post was a while back. But reading it this morning, I was struck by its resonance with my own place and moment, here and now- sitting in my kitchen, before dawn, meandering through the blogs of writers I admire, tasting the tea, feeling alive and present. Thanks for the wisdom so beautifully expressed. Tom

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    • Tom, I read your comment the day you wrote it, and it meant the world to me. I love that even though this was from a ways back, time wise, that it had some relevance and resonance for you on that day. It still rings true for me. and I find myself exclaiming in random moments: I love this right now. I realize too, that I was right, that time had a certain quality about it – things were preparing that I had no idea about. I hope you are feeling alive and present this day and most, if not all days. Thank you for taking the time here – you made my present all that much more rich. Happy new year to you!

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  2. Great post on reminding us that the precious moments are always just right now. Not yesterday or tomm. Thanks
    Karen

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    • Karen, thanks so much for being good company in this conversation – the more in the moment friends we have the easier it becomes I think! Welcome! – B

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  3. Bonnie, I have been thinking about this post all day (I read it this morning). I always thought that when I reached this age (50), I would have it all figured out. And I was right, except what I thought “figured out” meant is not what “figured out” turned out to be. I am finally figuring out that this is it, now is my life, and every moment a gift. And there isn’t anything better, than now, for now. Thank you for the beautiful reminder and thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.

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    • Carolann – I get that, how something just kind of gets in our thoughts – I am so glad you came back to share. I often think, ‘what if this is as good as it gets?” and then respond to myself, ‘well then, make THIS as good at it can get!” 🙂 It’s so easy to fall into the mindset that all the good stuff has yet to arrive. I so appreciate your thoughts and comment!

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  4. This post is so *right on* right this minute, Bon! 🙂 I completely understand what you mean about always looking around that next corner. For me, it’s been more of a “When I reach this age/degree/level of maturity/, I will be comfortable doing ‘x’.” And I’m realizing, finally, that if you’re *growing*, you’re always going to be stretching, reaching outside your comfort zone, looking forward, looking back…. More recently, I, too, have been trying to linger more in the ‘now,’ and I won’t lie, it’s hard. But just last night, for instance, I was making dinner, enjoying a nice glass of wine and the mouthwatering scent of garlic browning in butter, while Amos Lee crooned a tune on my iPad and the dogs snored from their favorite spots under the dining room table and I thought ‘Damn, this is *perfect*–right here, right now, this moment, it’s all I need….” And that made me sooo happy. 🙂

    Wishing you a *perfect* moment today and every day, my friend…. xox, l

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    • Lori, I LOVE how you get it, get me! I have no doubts we have likely traveled many of the same trails just at different times. You are a solid and comforting companion on this shared but asynchronous hike of life. And I hear you on the ‘when I reach…I will…” conundrum. Such a tempting place for our minds to go. Your perfect moment sounded perfect and the more of those moments we string together for ourselves, wow. I’m putting your wish in my pocket…it’s Friday, so my hunch is that there shall be at least one. I send one back to you! xoxo

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  5. Thank you for this, Bonnie. Life is really hard and uncertain right now, and everything in me wants to either numb it or leap over it. But there is power in Now—the music of the rain and the song coming from my Pandora station, the breath coming in and out. Now can still be a place to rest.

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    • Sandy – you are welcome, but really, thank you. It’s so reassuring that my thoughts make sense outside of my own head. It is so tempting to do either or both of what you mention. I love how you put that…Now can be a place to rest. Deep breaths to you – I hope that in time, when the moment is right, that clarity and release arrive on your doorstep.

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