A Little Bit Back to Center

As with most of us, the weeks in between Thanksgiving and the holly jolly holiday can be likened to either a sausage or a can of sardines; in either case too much is constrained in far too small of a space.

Work demands seemed to ratchet instead of dwindle and we lost a bright shining star long before he should have ever gone shooting across the sky.  Losing a dear and trusted colleague is never easy, and especially the peak of the season.

On the home front we switched from cleats to high tops and a whole new game schedule.  I really need the coaches to check with me before signing up our team for extra scrimmages and tournaments.

As such, it was a push to get Christmas on the table, so speak.  A naked tree stood vulnerable in my living room for too many days before it finally got it’s well earned bling and blitz.  The flour and sugar and mixer remain tucked away in cabinets this year and I did not support the US Postal service this go-round….

(I was kind of feeling like the elf who barely made it in for the night and just kind of hanging on….)

2014-12-17 20.34.03

 

…and the gift list was whittled and all through the house; this nearly bah-humbug mama slowly began to exhale.

An almost stolen (but not) purse, a few unusual conversations and all the requisite daily pushes and pulls, and the edges began to fray.  I found myself needing to respond to a particular situation, make an important decision, and I realized that I felt so far from center. So far from my own self that finding the inner voice of reason and the all-important gut check seemed akin to the journey to the center of the earth; a really long way away.

***

Last night, kiddo and I spent the evening with dear and long time friends who came into town for the holiday.  To help welcome them, the friend hosting them also hosted an evening gathering with friends and family who also wanted to be with them.  There we were, the atypically warm December night found the women gathered on the generous front porch sipping wine and talking like there is no tomorrow, the kids running free between basement and front yard and the men tossing back a few beers in the kitchen. And of course, any mix and mingle of all peppered the evening.  Before I knew it, jackets and santa hats donned, wine glasses re-filled, we walked the neighborhood which some would liken to a modern day Mayberry and took in the light strewn homes, horse-drawn carriages transporting families and friends doing the same as us, and pick-up trucks filled with carolers. As we walked, conversations were easy, natural and changing depending on who walked next to whom. Kids ran front, center and in between.

At one moment, while I had the three biggest kids in my reach, I let them go ahead a bit, and ahead of them were the smalls and other adults.  I hung back, I lingered, wine in hand, and took it all in.

I exhaled deeper. A lot deeper.

Bright lights in my periphery. People I love in direct view.

Cheerful sounds filling the air.

A sip of my wine.

Exhale.

This. This right here. This is Christmas.  I exhaled fully and smiled.

I caught up to my kiddo and draped an arm around his shoulders, not far below my own now,  and said, this is good, eh?  We are good. We get this.  He was quiet and I said, this is a moment to just be.

 

***

This morning, as I woke, I thought of last night.

I realized. That was a little bit of coming back to center.

***

Merry Christmas. Holly Jolly Holiday.  Blessings.

My wish for you, each of you, is that moment to just be.

To exhale. To find center.

***

Peace & Joy

-Bonnie

 

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23 thoughts on “A Little Bit Back to Center

    • Thanks so much Kath, and it is indeed. I can still think back to that moment and feel that moment of total peace, and contentment. Wishing that for you as the new year is soon upon us!

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  1. Glad you had a good evening with friends. Sounds like a crazy-busy holiday for you–too crazy busy. Exhaling is always good. And your sense of humor continues to serve you well. Love the elf picture!

    Hope things are calming down at least a bit. Much love to you 😀

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    • Too crazy busy and it’s all settling back down now…ahhh…nice! The elves on the shelf somehow knew what I was feeling that day. Hope your Christmas was all that you hoped it would be…let’s catch up soon, yes? Much love right back to you.

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    • Thank you so much Carolann – and the same to you as we end one year and begin the next – many moments of being and remembering the important things. Sending joy for a wonderful new year!

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  2. Pitch perfect, Bon, as your posts always are. So easy to get caught up in the whirl and lose one’s balance. So happy that you regained your equilibrium among those you love and cherish. May it always be so and may your new year be FILLED to overflowing with blessings, laughter and love. Merry Christmas! Xoxo, l

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    • HI Lori – so easy, to get somewhere but where we need to be. Those moments of return, thankfully, are some kind of GPS signalling the direction. I am glad to be headed back that way now 🙂 Wishing you those moments of savoring those you cherish and all things you enjoy as the new year begins, and all throughout. You are so very much appreciated, xoxo

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  3. Such a beautiful post that is so universally apropos – it reminds me of what can be when you make the time, space for it. Thank you Bonnie! Merry Christmas – thank you for your gift to us all!

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    • Thank you Maureen – and yes, I was so grateful for that tiny yet powerful breakthrough in that moment – it’s like I can still ‘hear’ the difference of that moment and in the days since, have retreated to that in my mind to recreate the much appreciated exhale. I hope your Christmas was full of joy…and that heading into the new year finds you energized and ready for wonderful surprises! xo

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  4. Ah BonBon – too much important stuff crammed into too little space for one to absorb it all. Coming back to center with those you love, letting a breath and some laughter permeate the heaviness of the air..I wish you a year of wonder and joy, fabulous moments and magical memories-to-be-made, good health and love -always, love.

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    • Always love…and your comment is to be savored. And that is exactly what I will do – and what I wish for you as we close out one year full, so full, of so much- and head into what is hopefully for us and those around us, filled with exhales, and smiles and catch-your-breath excitement. Love you! xoox

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